What Really Happened After The Hunger Games
by GatnissShamyClato
Summary: What would happen if Katniss and Peeta got back from the games but Katniss chose Gale? Set after Katniss returns from the games, an alternate ending KatnissxGale Please R
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note: Sorry this chapter is so short it will get longer/better I promise!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Hunger Games**

I was now on a train for the second time in my life.

I had never expected it to happen again since the first time I'd experienced the feeling, I'd been on my way to my certain death. Except… I hadn't. I, Katniss Everdeen, had won the 74th Annual Hunger Games. How was that even possible? But somehow it was true – I had defeated Clove, Glimmer, even Marvel. They were all gone and I remained. But not in the way that I should have been - not as a true, lone victor. Instead as part of a 'team' with Peeta Mellark.

_Team_. I thought that in a team, everyone contributed, everyone was equal. Yet Peeta hadn't saved me, more like the other way around. I didn't need him.

But when it came down to it in the end… I couldn't kill him. He didn't deserve that. Neither did I though, so what could we do? So here we both were sitting on the train for the second time. The luxurious refreshments, the feeling that I'd won the Hunger Games, the fact that I was going home. All tings that I never thought I'd experience and all unimaginably wonderful.

Yet I couldn't appreciate the plush, cushioned seat beneath me, the sense of cleanliness and comfort after all those days spent in the arena. I couldn't register the fact that I'd be seeing my family again or even that I'd _won_, I'd become a victor. Because of all the guilt, all the horrendous, horrible, maddening guilt weighing down on me. I'd cheated my way to success, made up a story to make the Capitol love me. Haymitch says that if I hadn't, I'd have died from lack of sponsors but I don't see how. I'd not only lied to everyone I knew in District 12, but everyone in the whole of Panem. I'd lied and no one knew. No one knew the truth. Okay, Haymitch maybe, but no one that actually mattered understood, I hadn't had a chance to explain. They all believed the lie – Peeta, Gale, Prim, my mother – and probably hated me for it.

Before I could truly feel relieved for anything that was happening to me I had to get home and explain to them the truth, before it got even more out of hand than it already was. But how would I find the words?


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Hunger Games **

"Katniss," Peeta smiled as he shuffled into the train carriage that I was seated in, interrupting my calculating and worrying.

I remained mute, thinking of a good way to begin my explanation and coming up blank. We would be home any time soon.

"So I've been thinking," he began, sitting down next to me.

"Me too," I sighed, chewing my lip, dreading his next words.

"When we get back… where exactly do we go from here?"

I closed my eyes in frustration and took a long, deep breath before answering.

"We don't go anywhere, Peeta."

He looked momentarily confused.

"What exactly do you mean?"

"I mean, this ends when we get back."

"What ends? This luxury surrounding us? Or the painful memories? Because they're both going to end, I promise."

"Yes, I know they're doing to end I'm not stupid!" I snapped, exasperated. He wasn't making this very easy for me.

"When we get back to District 12," I started slowly, looking down, "we're going to go back to how it was before the games. Before the lies."

"Lies?" he repeated, dumbfounded. How could he not know what I was talking about? How could he not recognise the guilt in my voice?

"The star-crossed lovers from District 12…" I urged desperately.

"Yes…?"

"We can't keep the pretense up any more – we don't have to."

"Pretense?" he parroted.

"Yes the pretense! Don't you see, Peeta? It wasn't real, none of it was! The Capitol manipulated us, used us for entertainment. And I had to go along with it – it kept us both alive didn't it? But enough is enough! We can stop now. We _have_ to stop now."

"You… you said you couldn't live without me. You kissed me and said you loved me. Are you saying that you honestly felt nothing?"

"Yes! I had to say those things so they wouldn't kill you, don't you see? But now everyone's seen it and it's all a big mess…"

My voice faded into silence. There was a long pause before Peeta spoke again in a hushed tone.

"Why did you say those things if you felt nothing?"

"Haymitch said I had to make it look real or we wouldn't get sponsors."

"Since when do you do everything Haymitch says?"

"Peeta, I saved your life!"

"Well maybe I didn't want saving!"

The tense silence that followed gave me a moment to process what he'd said.

"How could you have used me like that? So you could look like a hero bringing back both tributes from District 12?"

"_What_? Of course not! You think I did this for me? Peeta, I didn't need you to win! I didn't need you for anything! I was being _kind_! Do you think I wanted to do this? Do you think I wanted – people to see me like that? I did it for _you_!" I was on my feet practically screeching in his face. Why couldn't he understand?

"Well, that wasn't your choice to make." He sounded eerily calm.

"What, are you saying that you'd rather have died?" I growled.

"Maybe!" he shouted aggressively on his feet as well. He glowered at me for a second before turning and storming out the way he came in, muttering once more under his breath, "maybe."

"Don't be such a drama-queen!" I yelled after him. _As_ _if he'd rather have died_.

I collapsed back onto the seat, suddenly exhausted. That hadn't been a very pleasant experience but at least now he knew the truth. One person down, everyone else to go.

I sighed and closed my eyes.

**Author's note: some other characters will be coming in soon, promise! Please R&R thanks x**


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's note: this chapter is a little bit sad just to warn you but it will get better, hang in there! **

Moments later, the train lurched to a sudden stop and I was hurtled forwards. I gingerly began to creepy towards the door of the carriage when Peeta burst back in again, his eyes red and puffy and watery streaks running down his face.

"Peeta!" I gasped. What was he doing? Why was he _crying_?

"Just answer me one thing," he sniffed.

"What?"

"Was it – was it for… him?"

"For who?"

"You know who!" he shouted, punching the wall of the train in fury. "Did you do this for him?"

I bit down on my bottom lip and when I replied it was a mere whisper.

"Yes." We both knew we were talking about _him_. Him who I'd done this for, hurt Peeta for, felt all this guilt for. But I _knew _it was the right decision. Anything else was just wrong.

Peeta gave a shaky nod and wondered off looking dazed. I was about to go after him to say, I'm not sure what exactly, when Effie came marching in.

"Katniss! We're here! Are you ready to see your friends and family again? I'll bet you weren't expecting to here those words again, now were you?"

I wanted to answer her question with a big fat _no_, but I knew that whether I liked it or not, I had to leave the train and confront all the people waiting for me.

Once out of the train, the journey to District 12 was too short, too quiet. It was unnerving.

When we arrived, Effie shuffled us both through and double doors to the Justice Building. Peeta had barely looked at me, let alone said a word. The second the doors were flung backwards, I was blinded by the endless rays of sunshine and deafened by the thunderous applause and cheering. Above all the commotion I could hear Effie shouting, "District 12 – your winners!"

I managed to smile and wave and accept their warmth and just for a second it hit me. _I was never supposed to see this place again._ But then the guilt swallowed it up and it was gone.

I scanned the crowd for my mother and Prim and saw them almost instantly.

"Prim!" I exclaimed, joyous tears running absently down my face.

"Katniss! Katniss, you're home!" she screamed, crying as well.

_I'm home. I am really home_, I realised in wonder. Except one person was missing from the perfectness of that moment. I searched the crowds for Gale but couldn't see him anywhere. _He isn't here_.

We weren't allowed to see our families for another half hour afterwards. After all the speeched by the Mayor, Effie, Haymitch, Peeta and I, the crowd was ushered away and we were returned to the Justice Building.

"Now, it may not be very safe for you at the moment – the crowds are very excited that you won but you never know what that might lead to. After all, District 12 isn't exactly the safest place anyway. So you've each been assigned a body guard to ensure your safety. Sounds nice, doesn't it?" Effie cooed.

"No!" I exclaimed before I had even meant to open my mouth. It hadn't exactly meant to come out so rudely, but how could I see him, explain to him, with a bodyguard watching?

"What do you mean _no_?"

"I – I can't. I want to see my family alone."

"Well I'm afraid that's just not possible, Katniss.

"I don't care! I don't want-"

"Just shut up, will you?" Peeta broke me off angrily. "Can't you see she's just trying to help you?"

"Well that's rich coming from you!" I yelled, furious with him for still being angry with me. It wasn't my fault he'd fallen in love with me! "_I'm_ not the one who can't see when someone's trying to save his life!"

I was practically screeching by this point. I couldn't take any more of Peeta's aggression or Effie's whining knowing that I was back in District 12 and still hadn't seen my family. It was so unfair! I took off running out of the building and down through the desolate square. I ignored the distant shouts of protest behind me, taking a second the glance at the filthy Seam around me. I'd never have thought I could miss this place but the arena had made me grateful for what I had at home in a way that I couldn't describe.

Still running, I soon reached my house but didn't stop or even slow down. I had something more important to do before I got caught up in being reunited with mother and Prim. As I swiftly made my way towards the edge of the Seam, I nodded at the many people who congratulated me or smiled, unable to smile back until I'd seen him again.

Eventually, I reached the not-so-electric fence and ducked underneath, jogging until I got to the beginning of the forest. I slowed to a walk, not exactly sure how to do this.

Not after long, I reached mine and Gale's place where he was perched on a tree stump, looking at his feet.

I took three silent, deep breaths before stepping into view.

"Hey."

His head snapped up but only a hint of recognition passed over his features. This face was stony cold and etched into a frown.

"You're alive then. Congrats," he said gruffly, showing no emotion.

"Yep, still here," I answered smiling weakly. "So, I wanted to explain something to you – if you'll let me." Then I added in a whisper, "I don't want you to hate me."

"What you want to explain how we can no longer hunt together, how you'll be moving into your new house in the Capitol with your new boyfriend-"

"Peeta's not my new boyfriend-"

"Yeah? Well that's not how it looked on TV-"

"Look Gale, how I can I explain if you won't forgive me?"

We were both on our feet, starring each other in the eye. Shouting probably wasn't the best of ideas right now but neither of us stopped.

"Forgive you? Give me on god reason why I should-"

"Because I love you!" I screamed, collapsing down onto my knees.

The long stretch of stunned silence that followed was painful.

"What?" he demanded, starring down at me.

"I love you," I tried the words out again quietly. They sounded so right.

"That's messed up, Katniss. You can't have both of us-"

"I don't want both of you!"

Gale looked at me once more and turned to leave.

"Funny way of showing it," he muttered.

"Gale, don't go!" I wailed.

"I can't deal with this right now, Katniss!" he snapped before marching away, leaving me crumpled and broken on the forest floor. And for the first time in a long time, I sobbed.

**Aww, poor Katniss! Sorry that was kind of sad it will get better for them, promise! Please let me know what you think, thanks x**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: HUGE shoutout to everyone that reviewed, thank you times a million they mean so much! :) Sorry this is quite short again, chapter 5 coming soon, enjoy! (Btw sorry in advance for any typos)**

Some time passed, I lost track, but soon I realised that I had to go back before people got worried. I hastily travelled back the direction that I'd come, wiping the mud stains from my clothes and the tear stains from my face. I reached my door and plastered a half-convincing smile on my face before entering.

"Katniss!" Prim squealed as soon as she saw me, running into my open arms.

"Hey there, little duck," I smiled, squeezing her tight. When I placed her down again, I went over to where my mother was standing and hugged her too.

"Hi mom."

She seemed too stunned to speak.

I knew the feeling.

_**2 days later**_

After I had returned home, I had also found Effie waiting and not looking very pleased at all. I wouldn't have minded if all the 'you could have been killed's and 'we were so worried's were actually out of concern for my safety instead of her reputation. She had said, grudgingly, that she would dismiss the bodyguard issue for now, thank goodness. I could really do without another person watching over me.

Despite my protests my family and I had been told that we must move into the new house assigned for us in the Victor's Village, about a kilometre away from our old home. _Further away from Gale_, I thought automatically before remembering that he'd probably never want to see me again. Even though the house was not mine and felt too big, too clean, too alien, I couldn't deny that spending the night in a bed for the first time, not a bumpy train carriage bed and not tried to a tree with one eye open, but a real _bed_, had been _magical. _

I had spent most of the next day speaking to the Mayor and Haymitch about my success and all the 'exciting' things in store, blah blah blah. Then Effie had talked me through what was to happen at the upcoming Victory Tour. I decided not to tell her that I didn't plan on going, just yet. Wouldn't want to get her wig in a twist.

That evening, as I sat with my family in my unfamiliar home, Prim told me about everything she'd been doing while I was away and I answered all her questions about the arena. We also talked about less intense subjects like how school was going and what she'd been doing that day.

"I bought some butchers meat with the money that we now have," she told me, every movement animated, "and mother made a stew for lunch. But I think your game tastes nicer."

"Oh, really?" I laughed. She was probably just trying to make me feel better but it was still sweet.

"Yes, I swear it does. Katniss, please get me some _real_ meat tomorrow, please, will you?"

It seemed to be an attempt to get me back into the forest, probably to help me return to being _me_. I wondered who had told her to ask me.

"Of course I will."

It was strange not really having anything to do now that I was 'rich'. Ugh. I hated that word. Especially when it applied to me. But still, it was odd not having to work or go to school or… do anything at all really. When I voiced my wonder, Effie commented how I should be preparing for the Victory Tour in every free second, 'learning speeches' and 'practising my interviews'. I brushed that off, deciding that killing Effie would probably ruin my reputation.

The new day was worrying yet promising. I had little to do besides collect the game for Prim (which I was secretly I couldn't _wait_ for). I thought that maybe later, if I had a little time I might visit Peeta in his new house to make peace. It seemed silly for us to be fighting when we had to pretend to be in love on this stupid Victory Tour. I hoped he had forgiven me… I couldn't really deal with Peeta _and_ Gale hating me at the same time. I had seen either of them for days so didn't really know where I stood.

I decided do the hunting first while the morning was still fresh and new. Soon enough, I reached the forest which smelt so much of home that it hurt. Hunting here was so different to hunting in the arena where nothing was real, everything fake. _Make that everything in the Capitol is fake, actually_, I corrected.

As I began digging out my much-missed bow and arrows and other game-catching equipment, I heard the snap of twigs beneath feet. I spun around in the same second and was almost relieved when I was Gale's familiar face before remembering the other days events ._He hated me. Still hates me._

It was just as well since it was becoming apparent to me that we wouldn't be able to have a happy life together anyway, no matter what we felt. I swallowed hard to choke back a sob, mourning my old, forgotten life.

**Ooh, will they make up? Sorry no Gale in this chapter, he's definitely coming back in the next one! Let me know what you think, thanks x **


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I send my virtual love to everyone that reviewed! Tried to update this asap since the last chapter was pretty rubbish, hope this doesn't disappoint. I honestly didn't think that anyone would read this fanfic since everyone seems to be team Peeta haha so thanks for reading :)… Enjoy!**

The tension built and built until finally I broke it by saying the only thing that I could think of.

"I had to get some game for supper. I can come back later. Sorry." I began to edge away, cringing at my lame explanation.

"Wait," his voice commanded bringing me to a halt.

"Yes?"

"Don't go. You wanted to explain something to me?"

"If that's what you want."

Well it was a start. And a much bigger improvement compared to our earlier reunion. I nervously sat down on a large boulder and glanced at the space next to me in silent invitation. Thankfully, he came over and silently joined me without hesitation. Obviously his unsubtle aversion to me had passed. Or at least lessened a little.

"Tell me," he urged.

I took a breath, looking at the floor. There was a lingering sense of… something in the air between us. Oh, yeah – _awkwardness_. Way to go confessing you love to him in the most embarrassing way possible, Katniss.

"Me and Peeta… there's nothing there. There never was."

"So why exactly were you declaring your love for him on television?"

"Haymitch said that they gamemakers were going to kill me for interfering with Rue and the others but he managed to persuade them not to for the sake of… 'young love'. So Peeta and I had to pretend to be in love in order to stay alive. It was the only way they'd let us both live, and I couldn't just leave him to die… so I went along with it. I hated every second of it Gale, I swear. I hated that you could see all of it without me being able to explain. And I hated what I knew you'd think of me."

He stayed quiet for a long while.

"Katniss, that didn't look like fake love to me."

"Well… for Peeta it was different – he didn't know that it wasn't real until we got back. But I never felt anything back for him. It was all an act for the Capitol's entertainment," I muttered bitterly.

"And what about what you said yesterday?" he asked, his tone almost returning to normal.

"I meant it, Gale. I don't know why or how but for some reason it took me to go all the way to the Capitol, fight in the Hunger Games and have to come to terms with the fact that I'd probably never see you again to realise. I love you Gale Hawthorne. And the thought of living without you isn't even worth contemplating."

A flicker of a smile flashed past his lips for the first time since I'd been back. He wrapped his large, olive hand around my own.

"I love you Katniss Everdeen." His voice was quiet and grave and beautiful. I tore my gaze from his hand around mind to look into his deep, grey eyes which were already focused on me.

"Gale," I whispered as we both unconsciously leant forwards into each other like magnets attracting. When his soft, warm lips touched mine it was like my brain exploded with passion and power. It was the moment that I'd been craving since I'd met Gale, I'd just never realised it until now. It made me able to forget the horror from the arena, every death I inflicted, every death I witnessed, every death I could have prevented. The cold starving nights and long, wounded days. Peeta, Haymitch, Prim, Cinna, Effie, my mother, President Snow, Rue; I could forget all of them when I was with Gale like this. Nothing mattered but his lips on mine, our minds intertwined, our recently discovered love for one another.

Finally, the kiss drew to a careful close though neither of us moved very far. When I spoke, my voice was just a shaky whisper.

"Worth living for."

I sensed Gale's silent laugh, his hot breath against my cheek,

"Yeah, I'm pretty glad you stayed alive too." He turned more serious. "I missed you."

I felt like I'd swallowed beams of sunshine, as a content smile formed on my lips. I moved backwards a little as not to smother him.

"So," he wondered, "where do we go from here?"

I cringed at the likeness to my conversation with Peeta on the train but thought better of bringing it up.

"Well I don't know about you but… Gale, I want to be with you. Properly."

I chose to ignore the niggling in my head telling me that this could never work. That I had to be with Peeta. That everyone would suffer because of my actions.

I would worry about that another day, but right now I didn't want to ruin my moment with Gale. Thankfully he didn't notice my wariness.

"What do you mean 'I don't know about you'? Was my saying 'I love you' not enough for you?"

"I just didn't want to assume."

"Since when does Katniss Everdeen not assume?"

We both laughed at how surreal yet perfect the situation was.

I spent the rest of the afternoon in the woods with Gale. We chatted about various topics – he told me about what had been going on while I was gone and I told him about the games. I told him about how the careers had chased me up a tree, how Thresh had spared my life, how I had killed Cato. I told him about Rue. But after all the sadness and depression, I moved on to lighter subjects like the good in the Capitol and Effie's entertaining moments.

"You would love Cinna, he's the nicest person."

"Yeah," Gale rolled his eyes, "so nice that he happily accepts money for unnecessary jobs, like choosing dresses, when he knows about the living conditions here."

"No, he's not like that. He would change things here if he could, I know it. He was so good to me. He attached my mockingjay pin to my games consume for good luck." I smiled. "Guess it worked.

"Guess it did," Gale grinned.

Then he told me about the moment that he saw my score of 11 and how proud he was of me.

"I know you could do it. You even beat District 1! What did you have to do?" he asked.

So I explained about how I shot the apple in the pigs mouth, practically aiming at the gamemakers, which caused him to guffaw and earned me a high-five.

We spoke about the reaping day – what both of our experiences were like. Obviously I had received the worst end of the stick but I hadn't really thought of what it had been like for Gale, either.

"I thought I'd lost you. I saw Cato and Marvel and really thought that you wouldn't make it. I couldn't cope. I didn't speak to anyone for days. But then you seemed to be doing well and I had some hope… until you found Peeta and I thought I'd lost you all over again, except in a different way."

"Shh," I soothed him, resting my cheek on his warm, comforting shoulder. "It was never real."

"Yes, I know that _now_," he laughed.

We talked and talked until your mouths were dry and the sun began to set. We collected our game and slowly set off for home, hand in hand. I knew that our actions would have consequences but, at that moment, I didn't really care.

It didn't take long to reach the Seam where the sun was beaming down on our faces and it was then that I really began to think about it. I'd won the Hunger Games. I'd returned home to my family, to Gale. If I was lucky (make that _very_ lucky), I might even be able to live as I used to, in the woods, where I loved to be.

I was so caught up in my silent fantasizing that I walked slap-bang into Peeta Mellark. Oh.

**Hope you liked it, please R&R! Thanks x**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Again, thank you soo much for the reviews :) Enjoy!**

I stopped midstride, quickly dropping Gale's hand from mine.

"Peeta," I breathed. I felt Gale tense beside me.

Peeta chuckled humourlessly. "Didn't take you long, did it?"

"Look, I told you why I had to do what I did."

"Yeah, I heard you the last hundred times."

"Peeta, I'm sorry."

"Katniss, you have nothing to apologise for," Gale interjected.

"What, completely using me for the Capitol's entertainment isn't worthy of an apology?"

"I was saving you!" I exclaimed. He was still angry about that?

"Why?" he demanded suddenly.

"What?"

"Why save me? Since you obviously don't care about me at all, why bother?"

"Wha-who says I don't care about you? Of course I care! I wasn't about to leave you to die!"

"Oh yeah, of course – that might ruin your reputation."

"Hey – don't talk to her like that!" Gale yelled.

"How can you think that little of me?" I asked in disbelief. "After all we've been through together."

"How can I think that little of you?" he repeated. "Maybe because of the way you've treated me. Ever since we've been back in District 12 it's been as if I don't even exist! Everything we had, all gone in seconds. You only just broke off out relationship five minutes ago and you're already with him!"

"Relationship? We never had a relationship, Peeta, how many times? There was never anything between us!"

"That's not what you said in the games," he snapped.

"Irrelevent! I don't feel anything for you. I'm sorry."

"Yeah? Well I don't buy it. Not for a second, Katniss, not after how we were together."

"It's that arena; it messes with your mind-"

"I know how I felt! And I know how you felt too so don't try and deny it!"

I was speechless for a second – I'd never heard him like this. Before I'd had time to conjure up a reply, Peeta turned and marched away in the direction that he'd come.

"Look, I'm sorry about Peeta," I sighed to Gale, who'd been uncharacteristically quiet, once Peeta was out of earshot. There was no reply.

I glanced up at Gale who was at least a head taller than me.

"Gale?"

"What was that about, Katniss?"

I rolled my eyes.

"It was just Peeta being Peeta. He's still upset about how I… broke things off."

"No, it was more than that. When he told you not to deny your feelings, why didn't you? If you feel nothing, why didn't you say anything?"

"I-I was shocked. It didn't mean anything."

"Well he seemed pretty sure of how you felt towards him."

"He _thinks_ he knows," I muttered.

"Katniss, he's right – you only just came back. How can you have gone from being in love with him to being in love with me so quickly? You can't just turn off feelings like that."

"You can if there were never any feelings in the first place!"

"I don't see how that's possible! How could you have acted so intimately around him if you felt nothing at all?"

"I don't know, I'm a good actress maybe – did you ever consider that?"

Gale ignored my question, steaming on with his own.

"And what was with dropping my hand? What, are you ashamed to be with me or something? Or did you not want your other boyfriend to see us together?"

I stared at him, my mouth agape.

"Okay, now you're just being ridiculous."

"Well if I'm so ridiculous, why are you still standing here with me?"

"I don't know" I growled, turning and fleeing away in rage. How dare he speak to me like that? Why couldn't he just accept that I was in love with him?

Eventually, I reached my house in the Victor's Village where I emptied my game bag on the table. Without consciously meaning to, I ended up plonked on one of the kitchen chairs with my head in my hands. How had this happened? Just moments ago we had been fine and now… we were back to arguing all over again. _Maybe it's not meant to be between us_, a tiny part of my brain began to whisper. _Stop that!_ I ordered myself. No _way_ was I about to start thinking like that. So Gale and I had one lousy argument. Sometimes our personalities clashed and we argued, so what? It didn't change how I felt about him. It was just… I just felt like I had no one to turn to when Gale and I were fighting. Peeta was obviously still angry, so no hope there. Haymitch was all _Team Peeta!_ so he wouldn't help. Prim was simply too young. Since changing from 'Katniss Everdeen' to 'Katniss, the Girl on Fire', everyone regarded me differently. More people knew me… but I had fewer people that I could trust. That I could actually talk to.

So Gale was all paranoid about me loving Peeta and Peeta was angry about me loving Gale. I thought that once I returned home and explained that situation that the mess would sort itself out. Obviously I was mistaken. If anything, it seemed to have gotten worse.

I felt a trickle of water stream down my cheek. I swiped at it furiously. What was happening to me? I never cried! _Never_! So why, all of a sudden was I breaking down over one stupid argument with Gale?

_Because, it's not just that_, I told myself._ It's the fact that Peeta hates you too. It's that you and Gale will never be happy no matter what you do. The Victory Tour is coming up soon so you'll have to be in love with Peeta all over again. Then Gale will drift even further away… Then there's Prim who you've hardly seen since you've returned. Who misses you so badly but doesn't know what to do because you've changed so much. It's that your mother is trying so hard to show that she cares and that she's proud but you refuse to accept it. And no matter how many times you deny it, you know that you can never return to your old life because the old you no longer exists. It's the way your whole life is crumbling around you but you choose to ignore it._

_Well of course I choose to ignore it!_ I shot back. Great, now I was arguing with my own brain. Maybe I really had gone mad.

_I choose to ignore it because what else can I do? I'm all alone in this._

Except… I wasn't.

"Katniss?"

**Just a quick note, I want to make it clear that this definitely won't turn into a Peeta/Katniss story like a lot of them do! That is never gonna happen, Gale and Katniss just need to work some stuff out first :)**


	7. Chapter 7

"Katniss?"

I turned at the sound of my name, half-expecting Effie or my mother to be there, complaining about something or other, from the light, feminine voice. Instead I was presented with Prim, looking pure and sweet and beautiful… and utterly concerned. A waterfall of luscious blonde hair flowed freely down her back and shoulders. She was so perfect and I had missed her so badly that my breath caught in my throat. She was the only constant, reliable thing in my life.

Unaware of what I was doing, I rushed forwards and captured her in my arms, sobbing down on to her shoulder. She patted my back and stroked my hair quietly. _What is wrong with you?_ I demanded to myself but was still unable to stop. Somehow, I ended back in the kitchen chair. Prim pulled a chair up next to me and continued to whisper soothing words. How backwards was this? She had matured so much since I'd last seen her. I hated the Capitol so much in that second for changing who she was. For taking away what childhood innocence she had left by making her believe that her sister would die.

Eventually, my sobs died down into sniffles.

"Want to talk about it?" she asked me softly. I almost laughed at how surreal the situation was before realising that _yes_ I really did want to talk about it. But I couldn't burden Prim with that, could I?

"Thanks, but… It's complicated," I sighed lamely.

"It always it," she smiled gently.

I decided that I could maybe get at least a little bit off my chest. I just wouldn't explain it all to her. After all, she was only twelve.

"Well," I began slowly, starting at the beginning. "You know how I'm on love with Peeta?"

"Yes?"

"I'm… not."

She just nodded wisely like she already knew. I raised my eyebrows for an explanation.

"I know you, Katniss. And you always seemed a little… off with him. Besides, I knew you'd never give up Gale."

My eyebrows rose even higher.

"You knew about that?"

She giggled softly. "It was kind of obvious."

I felt an irritating hot pink blush building in my cheeks. For goodness sake, it was _Prim_. Besides, she already knew, apparently. I wonder who else did.

"Oh. Okay. Um… so yeah. But Gale doesn't believe that I don't love Peeta. And neither does Peeta." That boy really couldn't take rejection.

"Hmm," prim said, studying my carefully, "sounds tricky. You know I can't figure this out for you, don't you? You're going to have to sort this out yourself."

I sighed heavily. "I know."

"But what I will say is that if you love Gale I'm sure that it will work out in the end. Love conquers all, right?" she grinned.

I laughed, wishing it were that easy. Unfortunately, I knew better.

"I have to go – I promised mother I'd help her at the apothecary. But you'll be okay?"

"Of course, I'll be fine," I replied, smiling a tiny smile. I hugged her close and kissed the top of her delicate head.

"Missed you."

"Missed you more," she answered smiling sweetly before ambling out the door.

I remained standing where I was for a few moments longer contemplating her words. If only I was as easy as she made it sound.

After a second or two longer, I was pulled from my thoughts by a pounding on the door. If knocks could have feelings, this one would be unhappy to say the least. It was probably Haymitch… or maybe Gale. I pulled back the door. It was neither of them but…

"Peeta?"

Peeta shoved me out the way, wondering into the main living area.

"Oh, hi Peeta. Come in," I muttered as sarcastically as I could.

"Why are you doing this Katniss?" He grabbed my wrist. "You're making a mistake and you know it."

There was something off about him, something different…

"Peeta, are you _drunk_?"

What was he playing at? We really couldn't afford to be seen acting up and there were eyes on us 24/7. If Effie heard about this, or someone from the Capitol…

"Maybe," he replied laughing without humour.

"You need to snap out of this. Right now."

"Says who? _You_? You think I'm going to listen to anything you have to say after what you've done to me?"

I ground my teeth in frustration.

"Look, personal feelings aside, this isn't helping anything."

"Why are you so sure? It's helping _me_."

"No it's not! Maybe right now but you'll feel horrible tomorrow. And what if someone sees you? What will they think?"

He growled, pushing me backwards until I hit the wall. I was never going to be _afraid_ of Peeta as such, but I was pretty sure that this was as close as I'd ever be to it.

"You think I care what they think?" he yelled, shaking my shoulders until my whole frame rattled.

"Peeta, get _off_ me," I hissed, shoving at him uselessly. He was stronger than he looked. But of course I already knew that from the games. _Don't think about it, Katniss_. I didn't particularly want to revisit the horror from the arena right at that moment.

"Why are you doing this? You _know _you still love me! You know it's true!"

"No I don't! Listen to me, Peeta: I don't love you!"

That was pretty harsh but he needed to understand.

"Stop lying!" he roared. "I know you still feel something!"

"For goodness sake Peeta-" I started but couldn't finish because his lips were crushing mine. I was still backed up against the wall unable to move so I had to use my hands to try and shove him off me. He tasted of bitter alcohol and desperation. This wasn't like all the kisses that we'd shared in the Capitol – this was forceful and angry and horrible.

Suddenly, the sound of clomping footsteps filled the room and Peeta abruptly took a giant step backwards. I caught my breath and stepped away from the wall the second he was away from me as well as looking up to see who it was who'd entered the room.

"What the hell is going on?" Gale demanded.

Oh, God.

**Please review to let me know that you think! :) x**


	8. Chapter 8

"On second thought actually, I don't want to know," he snapped, stalking back out the door. I took one startled glance at Peeta who looked as if he were about to throw up or pass out before bolting out the door to where Gale had gone.

I suddenly realised that he had come all the way to the Victor's Village, a place that he hated because of its association with the games, to see me. Maybe even to apologise. And I had just stood there, letting Peeta do what he wanted. _I let him kiss me_. How had that even happened?

"Gale, wait!" I pleaded, gaining on his hasty retreat. "Gale,_ please_!"

Suddenly, he came to an abrupt stop, spinning to face me. I only just managed to stop before I would have toppled into him. I stood about a metre away, panting unattractively.

"What are you doing, Katniss?"

"Trying to catch up with you, stupid."

"No," he growled, throwing his hands up in the air to demonstrate his level of frustration. Well, there was no need to be rude. "What are you doing with me? With Peeta? Is this some sort of game – some sort of manipulation from the Capitol? I mean, you've done once it before with Peeta, right? Strung him along all that time without a word? Well how do I know you're not doing that to me now? Because it sure as hell feels like it!"

I let him finish his speech, my mouth widely agape.

"I-I don't even know what to say to that."

He just stood there, waiting. For goodness sake.

"_No_!" I exploded with all the passion that I could muster. "Of _course _not! Everything that's happened between us since we got back has been real. What do I have to do to make you believe that?"

"Well you can start by telling me what exactly was going on in there!"

I felt a hiss escape my lips at all the frustration I felt towards Peeta at that moment. Why had he done this? Did he genuinely believe that I still loved him? Or was it just to sabotage mine and Gale's relationship (like we didn't have enough problems)? That didn't really sound like Peeta but then again, he'd been acting like a different person every since we'd gotten back. I hardly knew him anymore.

"Peeta just burst in, I think he was drunk," I explained, sticking to the truth. _At least I hope he was drunk_. If that was how he has resorted to act, uninfluenced by alcohol or anything else, well… I didn't really want to think about what kind of person that made me.

"Anyway, he came in and – tried to kiss me."

"What, just out of the blue?"

"Well he was trying to convince me that I still loved him – unsuccessfully. Then pushed me against a wall and just _kissed_ me."

There was a beat of silence.

"And did you kiss him back?"

I glared at Gale for a second, waiting long enough for him to realise that I was offended by the question.

"Of course I didn't. I tried to get the drunken idiot off of me, obviously. He didn't exactly make it easy."

He considered my words carefully.

"Why exactly is that boy so obsessed with the fact that you're still in love with him?" he asked quietly.

"Gee, I don't know, Gale! Don't you think I would have done something already if I knew?"

"All right, all right," he answered defensively.

_At least he's calmer now_. Unfortunately, Gale had a temper just as unpredictable as mine. Together we could be… explosive.

"Come on," I sighed, dragging his arm over to the patch of grass just outside the perfectly made fence that surrounded my house and pulled him to the floor with me. As I crossed my legs into a comfortable position, I glanced behind me to see that my front door was wide open. I guessed Peeta had left then. _Probably for the best right now_, I amended.

When I turned I realised that Gale was looking at me with raised eyebrows and eyes that clearly read _what the hell are we doing on the floor when your house is right there_?

"We need to talk about this," I told him, enjoying the fresh summer breeze that caressed my face as I spoke. "How can we possibly have a life together if you're constantly worrying about Peeta and me hooking up behind your back?"

Gale opened his mouth to speak but I cut him off.

"We _can't_. You know it's true to don't try to argue. I _can't _live like that."

"I know," he sighed. "I know. But you just got out of the games with him and I can't help but feel like-" he stopped abruptly, changing what he was saying. "Just tell me something. When you let him down, told him it was all a lie… how did you do it?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, unsure of where this conversation was going.

"I mean were you harsh or… you know, gentle with him?"

I tried to recall how I'd acted that day on the train.

"Um, I think… I think I tried to be gentle but ended up being firm and quite rude because he wouldn't believe me." I winced at how that made me sound but Gale just nodded as if considering something.

"What? And why do you care about Peeta all of a sudden? I thought you hated each other." I laughed gently under my breath because the idea of Gale caring about Peeta was so ridiculous that it was practically a joke. If Gale heard me, he showed no sign of acknowledgement.

"I guess I just feel sorry for the guy, he admitted, finally.

"What?"

"I mean, I thought about how I would feel if you left me right now for him. And I don't really know what I'd do, to be honest. So, I guess I can relate to how he's feeling."

I stared at him dumbfounded. Had the world gone completely insane?

"So you're telling me that you _feel sorry for him_?"

"Katniss-"

"Well, _don't_! For goodness sake, Gale! He's acted like a spoilt brat since we've been back, he just _assaulted_ me and _now_ you decide to become friends?"

"Look, just calm down. I don't want to be friends with the guy – I meant it more in a way of saying how glad I am that you chose me. Trust you to overreact."

The smile in his voice reassured me that he was only joking, not trying to be insulting, luckily for him. Or there would be consequences.

"Okay," I answered in a small voice. We stayed in comfortable silent for a while before Gale spoke again, all traces of anger disappeared from his tone.

"So, we're okay?" he asked softly.

I rolled my eyes, elbowing his side.

"I suppose."

He chucked quietly, placing his hand in mine and keeping it there. Even if everything else turned to hell, at least I had Gale. And knew I always would.

"You know we still need to sort this out, don't you?" I asked, leaning my head on his broad shoulder and inhaling his musky scent, hoping he wouldn't overreact.

"And how exactly do we do that?" he quizzed, sounding reasonable, much to my relief.

I hated to ruin the moment by mentioning something that was sure to shatter his good mood, especially since we'd just made up again but…

I swallowed before replying, "I think we should talk to Peeta."

**A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews! :) I am currently working on a Clato fanfic that I'll upload soon, so look out for that :D Hope you enjoyed this chapter x**


	9. Chapter 9

I had wanted the problems to be sorted out, for us to live in peace at long last, but could now see that that was destined not to happen. I also hadn't really thought through what exactly I was going to say to Peeta and Gale refused to say more than two words to him at a time…so after I had dragged Gale to Peeta's house with me and forced Peeta to let us in to talk, I hadn't envisaged us sitting in the situation that we now were, which could only be described as an awkward silence.

I'd taken a seat at the large, oak table in Peeta's kitchen and motioned for Peeta to join me. So he did, but at the opposite side of the table to me. _Frosty much_. Gale had remained stood in the doorway, arms folded across his chest, eyeing Peeta warily. Neither of them looked as if they were going to be saying something helpful any time soon so I guessed that it was up to me to sort this mess out. As always. (Although, the mess was mostly due to me so I supposed it was fair).

I opened my mouth to speak but everything that I thought of to say would be taken in the wrong way by someone, so I snapped it shut again. _What do you want me to do_? I wanted to scream at them. _I'm just as lost as you are, just as confused_!

I choked back my screams, instead settling on a whine of frustration. "Why are you being so childish?"

"_I'm_ being childish?" Peeta shot back angrily but I cut him off before he could say another word.

"Yes, you are! Coming into my home and attacking me, you call that normal behaviour? I get that you're scared and alone, trust me I get it, but taking it out on me won't solve all your problems. Peeta, we have scars. Scars that won't fade for a very long time but they _will_ get better. The only way you can help yourself is by letting go of the past, before it's too late to recover."

He just stared at me, my words finally sinking in. I took his moments silence as an opportunity to really hammer in the truth. I didn't know where my sudden words had come from but now I had to get them out.

"You think I don't get nightmares, that I don't see the horrors of the arena everywhere I turn? You know you can talk to me about it, because I'm one of the only people who will understand what you're going through and I want to be able to talk to you too. But lately I haven't been able to even say hello to you. You know that everything would be so much better, so much easier if we just got on. Why throw our relationship away after everything that we've been through together?"

Peeta looked at me through hurt, confused eyes.

"I-I can't."

"Of course you can. We can all get along if we just try."

"No, I can't, Katniss. I can't be friends with the woman that I love."

I felt a growl rising in my throat but managed to force it down.

"Why not? _Why not_, Peeta? Everyone's making an effort here – you could do the same! Fine, we don't have to be friends. You can go and discuss your problems with Haymitch who'd I'm sure would just love to listen, and you can get drunk every night as well. When you wake up with nightmares, just take a second to think about the person who's also waking up with nightmares. The only difference is I'll have someone to comfort me because I'm not shutting everyone out! Look, if you don't want to be friends, fine. But there are some things that you have to accept: I. Am. With. Gale. I love you Peeta but I'm not in love you the way you think, so stop saying it. Another thing, you can't just attack me and try to pick fights with me and Gale. I won't allow it. So get this into your head because it's not going to change."

I took a breath after my rant, wondering if Peeta was actually getting the message or not.

"If I see you around, I'm not going to try and fight you," Gale spoke up for the first time since we'd entered the house. I could tell that he was mightily uncomfortable here. "But I'm also not going to greet you like we're best friends. If you stay out of my way, I'll stay out of yours – no harm done. If you do cross the line, though… just know that there will be consequences."

It felt a little like we were ganging up on Peeta but I didn't see another way that we could actually get him to listen.

Peeta nodded feebly, avoiding Gale's eye contact.

"Fine."

I glanced at Gale, wary of the simple answer that Peeta had provided.

"What, that's it?"

Peeta looked up at me.

"Yes. Believe it or not, I don't _want_ to fight with you Katniss. I think I've just been so caught up in the games. It's been like I want them to disappear and stop invading every thought I have but at the same time… I've been clinging to the memories. They're all I have left."

I knew immediately that he was talking about when he and I were together in the arena and the way I had acted around him.

"Yes, but that was all-"

"All a lie, yes I know. I know that now. I guess I just have to… let it go."

Wow. He sounded almost… reasonable.

"Oh…kay. Thank you, Peeta. I guess I'll see you around then."

He smiled in a sad way. "We still have the Victory Tour."

Oh God, the Victory Tour. How had I forgotten about that? I just nodded, unable to think of a response and grabbed Gale's hand to tow him outside with me.

Once we had escaped the confinement of Peeta's kitchen, the cool, now evening air soothed my shaking nerves. Gale and I walked in silence over to where my house was situated, where we stopped and looked into each others eyes. His were so unreadable, I wondered if he was angry about what I had said to Peeta. Maybe he thought I was too nice.

Finally, a small smile cracked across his face. God, he was beautiful when he smiled. It happened so rarely these days. "I'm proud of you. You did well in there."

Despite my tense mood, I suddenly couldn't help mirroring his grin. "Thanks."

"So, does this mean we've finally sorted everything out?" he quizzed looking hopeful.

_No, of course not_, I longed to wail at him but managed to restrain myself. We still had the Victory Tour to get through and President Snow to face. And who knew what they were going to throw at us in the Quarter Quell? But those were tomorrow's problems.

"Everything we need to have sorted out for now," I answered, my smile never faltering.

"Well then," Gale began, his eyes sparkling with mischief, "does that mean we can have some time to not actually worry about things? To… I don't know, enjoy our lives, maybe?"

"I may be able to fit that into my schedule," I laughed, sarcastically.

"Well, good. When are you free?"

I bit down my giggle, playing along.

"Hmm… I don't think I have anything on right now…"

Before I could even finish the sentence, Gale had scooped me up in his arms and was carrying me through my front door.

"Hey! Put me down!" I protested, deadly serious. What was he doing? What if someone saw us?

The house was empty, thank goodness. Gale continued to ignore my yells of frustration until we had reached my room at the top of the stairs, and he placed me down on the bed, being gentler than I had ever seen him. I opened my mouth to complain that he wasn't supposed to be in here but suddenly my mouth was preoccupied being smothered against his. And I didn't mind.

Lying next to him, I gripped his hair, pulling him as close to me as physically possible while his hands caressed my own hair, my waist, the small of my back. We slowly melted together, forgetting any worries or problems that had been preventing us from happiness for so long. I was with Gale and that was all that mattered.

I had no nightmares that night.

**A/N: Yay they made up, sorry it got a little fluffy towards the end. Please review to let me know your thoughts, thank you so much for all the reviews so far they mean so much! Stay tuned for more x**


	10. Chapter 10 Author's note

**Author's note:**

**So you may have realised that I stopped updating this fic.. I suck I know I'm really sorry but I just ran out of ideas :( I may return to it sometime but for now, consider this story abandoned, apologies. Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed/bothered reading ILY.**


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